


Overloaded

by crabbiestJellyfish



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, M/M, Slice of Life, Storms, Yikes™, an abuse of proper punctuation, and how poorly dirk handles them, apologies in advance, dirk gots the sensory overload real bad, i can't write lengthy chapters to save my life, jake is physically affectionate but understanding and we love him for it, major yikes, obscure christmas story references, obscure references to my nickname, startin out young here folx
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-25
Updated: 2017-08-06
Packaged: 2018-12-06 17:14:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11605191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crabbiestJellyfish/pseuds/crabbiestJellyfish
Summary: Your name is Dirk Strider, and you can't even hold your Bro's hand to cross the street without having a breakdown. Your best friend wants nothing more than to wrap you up in a hug without you immediately squirming out of his grasp. Your teachers and classmates have seen you cry on more than one occasion because your chair won't stop squeaking every time you move. You have come to the conclusion that sensory overload is a real overbearing bitch sometimes.





	1. First Impressions

**Author's Note:**

> well. here goes my first fic in like,, 3 years. enjoy.
> 
>  **update:** i lied! this is my first fic in a year!! wild how time doesn't actually exist amirite

Bro and Jade have been best friends since before you were even an idea. They met, as your brother puts it, over “the worst badminton game in the history of time.” She becomes the subject of almost all your bedtime stories; she builds robots and fights monsters and starts revolutions and is probably 100 years old and to your 5-year old imagination, could manipulate space if she tried really hard.

Then Bro tells you that the coolest old woman you’ve never met has a grandson, and the two of you are going to visit. You’re ecstatic, and immediately start planning what you’ll do when you meet this “Jake” to seem cool.

He carefully leaves out the fact that they live on a remote island, though.

Two months later finds you screaming and crying because the plane is too loud, the sun reflecting off the clouds is too bright, and the leather seats don’t feel nice. Your eyes scrunch behind your shades, but still it’s too bright, too much for you to handle. Something brushes against your head and you shudder, electricity crackling through your skin at the contact, but the light disappears and a pair of headphones is placed over your ears, soothing music coaxing you out of sensory overload.

You crack open an eye to see Bro standing next to your seat, Maplehoof in hand. Reaching out to grab her, you mouth an apology, to which he only shakes his head. Now that the engine of the plane is muffled by your headphones, you can relax, and get back to being excited about meeting Jake.

As soon as you land, Bro tells you that there’s going to be a lot that you don’t recognize. “Just think of it as a project. How much can you tell me about the island when we leave?”

You’re glad he does, because the amount of green you see when you step off the plane is enough to make you sway in place, head pounding. You categorize other feelings: the humidity is tangible enough to cut a knife through, and your ears are ringing with the sound of insects.

Jade waves at the two of you, and Jake pokes his head out from behind her to smile at you. His two front teeth are missing. You frown; yours haven’t even begun to loosen yet.

Lost in thought, you don’t even register Jake barreling towards you until suddenly you’re wrapped in an enormous hug and everything goes static.

You unceremoniously shove him off you, breathing erratically as your skin lights up. Everything is too much, all at once, and you begin scratching at your arms as you fall to the ground, hyperventilating. Dave rushes over and murmurs in your ear, trying to help you calm down. He helps you breathe with him. Soon enough you’re just crying, overwhelmed by everything around you. It’s too green, it’s too bright, it’s too hot, it’s too loud, it’s too dirty, it’s too too much and you want to go home. You curl up into a ball, and Bro stands to apologize to Jade and Jake.

You can hear him explain that you react easily to your surroundings, and that it’s not Jake’s fault. It makes you cry harder.

* * *

The rest of the trip is spent with Jake keeping his distance, though still trying to engage with you as much as you’ll allow. You’re incredibly embarrassed by your episode earlier and do your best to make sure Jake doesn’t think you don’t like him.

The two of you spend most of your time inside for your benefit, watching movies for his. He throws popcorn at you when you make fun of _Avatar_ and you laugh as he tells you grandeous stories about his latest trip to the jungle.

“…and there was a dragon!! I kid you not, Dirk, there it was! Spitting fire and it was SO SCARY! But I got up real close and gave it some crab. It laid down like a pup! Dirk, I pet a real live dragon!!”

“I don’t think that’s true. Dragons don’t exist, dude.”

“They do, and I pet it!”

You laugh. “I won’t believe you ‘til I see some evidence. Pictures or it didn’t happen.”

He looks at you a little funny. You’re suddenly acutely aware of the fact that for someone who just started kindergarten, you don’t have the vocabulary to match.

“How would I take a picture of the dadblasted thing? Don’t you know they’re invisible?”

* * *

When the time comes to leave, you give Jake a quick side hug and get a bright smile in return. The island is still too much for you to handle, and you trek your way to the plane as quickly as possible, but you’re sad to go. You wave at Jake sadly from the window, hoping this won’t be the last time you see him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi my name is mj and my kink is the proper care and use of commas


	2. Second Chances

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello have some more poorly written children. next chapter will feature me calling up my aunts and uncles to ask them how 8-year olds actually act.

“…so then, teach tells me I’m not allowed to read in class. Which is stupid, since I already have my times tables memorized. Had that shit locked down since we started, you know?”

“Dirk! Watch your fucking language!” you hear shouted from the living room. Jake giggles from your screen and you roll your eyes as you turn back to your Skype call.

“Anyways, how’s the homeschooled life on Hellmurder Island? Grandma teach you any new cool survival skills?”

“Actually, I’ve started learning how to shoot! It’s a lot of fun, but I’m a terrible shot.”

“Dude, we’re basically still in diapers and you’re already handling guns?”

“Yes?”

“That’s tight as fuck.”

Jake smiles, and your heart warms a little. You clutch Maplehoof closer, stroking her soft fur methodically. Jake yawns, and you look at the clock, calculating time differences in your head.

“Bro, it’s what, like 10 there? You should get to bed.”

“Pshaw! Adventurers don’t need sleep! They’re too busy exploring the great unkown.”

“I’m pretty sure they do. Sleep is essential to not dying.”

“Whatever you say, Strider. Gran’ll probably force me to bed soon anyways, so I should probably call this good night.”

“Good night, Jake. Don’t shoot your eye out.”

“Ha! I’m no Ralphie, you can count on that!”

“Sure thing, English.”

“Good night, Strider.”

“’Night, Jake.”

The call ends, and you turn around to see Bro leaning against your doorframe. “How’s Jake?”

“He’s good. Learning how to traverse the jungle without setting off his own traps. Grandma’s teaching him how to shoot, apparently. Why don’t we get guns instead of shitty swords? I bet you’d look pretty cool with an AK.”

“No son of mine will bring anything but the shittiest swords into this apartment.”

“Good thing I’m your annoying little brother, then.”

“Annoying is an understatement.” He walks over to you, careful not to step on any of the robot kits left strewn on your floor. “So.”

“So?”

“Jade wants to bring Jake to the states for a visit. See how he likes it.”

“How he…you mean move here or something?”

He shrugs. “She’s not sure yet. Said something about wanting him to have a proper education, though Jade’s smart enough to teach him through a PhD if she wanted. I think mostly she wants him to have friends.”

You pout. “He has friends.”

“He has one friend. Even if it’s a really good friend, Jade wants him to branch out. Socialize. Not be a stunted antisocial brat, like you.” He smirks at you, in case you couldn’t tell he was joking. You smirk back, and flip him off.

“I’m not stunted, I’m special. A prodigy, some might say.”

He snorts at that, then reaches over to ruffle your hair. You stick your tongue out at the affectionate gesture, and ignore the surprised smile he sports when you don’t reflexively shy away from his touch.

“Anyways. They’re coming to visit in a few weeks, but Jake doesn’t know yet. Don’t let him know, yeah? And clean up your room, I don’t want to take anyone to the emergency room because they got a lego lodged in their toe.”

You sigh dramatically and slide off your chair, gathering parts off the ground to organize into your work drawers. Bro smiles at you before he leaves you to the arduous task of sorting out your wiry mess.

* * *

You see Jake before he sees you, dragging his luggage towards the exit with Jade following sluggishly. You smile excitedly and run up to meet them, taking Jake’s suitcase from him.

“How was the flight? Actually, don’t tell me; I know planes are terrible. How long was it again? Apparently long enough, you look exhausted. Guess you’ll have to take a nap before we get started on our Mario Kart rematch, huh? Don’t worry, I cleaned my room and there’s a mattress all made up and waiting for you as soon as we get ba—“

“Strider.”

“…Sorry.”

Jake smiles. “It’s good to see you.” You grin back and nod. This is the first time you’ve been with your now best friend in person since you first met him. Excited is an understatement.

The ride back to the apartment is quiet, and you anxiously rub the fabric of your t-shirt against itself. You start imagining all the ways this trip could go wrong, like maybe Jake won’t like the zoo, or maybe he’ll get sick and have to leave early, or maybe he could realize that he doesn’t actually like you and never want to see you again.

You feel sick, and clutch tighter at your shirt, worrying it between your fingers.

The sight of your apartment building is a relief, and you exhale slowly as Dave parks his car in the garage. You help carry the luggage up to your top floor apartment as much as possible, and carry Jake’s suitcase to your room before collapsing on your bed. Jake does the same, though on the mattress laid out on your floor.

“Sorry I’m not much for hijinks at the moment. I think I need a good rest.”

“Nah. You’re good, bro. Get your z’s. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

Jake smiles gratefully at you before closing his eyes and curling up under the blankets. You make your way to the living room and put on some “My Little Pony” to keep busy.

A few hours later, Jake sleepily walks to the couch and plops down beside you. His thigh brushes against yours and you immediately flinch, nearly jumping to the other side of the couch. Jake scrunches his eyebrows in concern and whispers, "Sorry." You only shrug in response, pretending you didn't just make an enormous ass out of yourself, and hand him the remote.

“Channel 4 is a 24/7 movie streaming extravaganza." You internally smile to yourself at the use of your newest self-taught vocabulary. "Channel 7 features old Wild West style shit. Channel 52 is SciFi, and channel 89 is cartoons. Anything else, look at 15 for the directory.”

Jake immediately switches to 4 like you knew he would, and lights up at the movie onscreen. “I love this one!”

“You love every movie,” you point out.

“I love this movie differently.”

You shake your head before resting it in your hand, already armed with snide remarks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me @ me: hey uhh maybe wait a couple days to post this  
> me: hmm? what was that? can't hear you over the fact that this is the first multi-fic chapter i've ever written, ever.


	3. Here there be Lizards

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> actual length to chapters? who is she?

The amount of people at the zoo on a Monday afternoon in October is negligible. It makes it easier for you to walk around to the different exhibits without having to worry about accidentally brushing against someone else. However, Jake tends to walk closer to you than you’d like, occasionally bumping against your (sweet as fuck) cherry blossom parasol as he points excitedly at the animals. You try to keep your distance, but he inevitably subconsciously closes it.

“Dirk! Dirk, we have those on our island! Next time you visit, I’ll catch one for you so you can pet it!”

“English.”

“Hmm?”

“Too close.”

“Again? Oh bugger. I’m so sorry, chap. No harm done?” You shake your head no. He smiles, and starts off towards the reptile house.

The two of you get odd looks from everyone else as you go, and you really can’t blame them. You’ve got on your triangle shades with a pink parasol to match your anime aesthetic, and Jake’s hiking boots are so big on him that they scuff the ground with every step he takes. You make quite the pair, and you think to yourself that you and your best friend are the best pair there is.

The reptile house is dark, much to your relief, and without the sun bearing down against you, you can finally put away your parasol. Jake grins at you and reaches for your hand without thinking. You jerk it away, guilt swallowing you whole at the look on Jake’s face when he realizes what happened.

“Sorry again, chum,” he mumbles. “Can’t keep it together in the ol’ noggin today, it seems.”

“It’s fine.”

“It’s not! I shouldn’t keep forgetting!”

“Jake, it’s not your fault. It’s mine.” He frowns at that, but doesn’t press any further.

You enjoy the reptile house in silence with Jake, avoiding the snakes and spending extra time with the turtles. One of the keepers lets Jake hold a constrictor, and you smile as his face changes from surprise to excitement to awe. He offers it to you next, and you politely decline, eyeing it warily. It’s not that you don’t like snakes, you just…don’t like how they move. It’s unnatural. You explain this to Jake as you leave for the next exhibit, and he laughs.

“I find it quite charming, how they…” He wiggles his hips to demonstrate his point.

“See, that’s the thing. Nothing should be able to get around with just a little booty shake. Get some fuckin’ legs.”

“Strider, I think you’re being unfair.”

“I think I’m being perfectly fair! Either you have legs, or you don’t get to move.”

“So are millipedes the best, then?”

“Oh, hell no. If anything, they’re worse than snakes. They’re hoarders of legs. Too many legs, Jake. You see how they move? They move like snakes, ‘cause they got too many legs and now they don’t know what to do with them. How ‘bout you give some to the snakes, ya freakish bugs?” Jake is laughing himself into stitches at your monologue, and you allow yourself a smirk.

“Bejeezus, Strider, I guess nothing can be perfect for perfection himself, eh?”

“Hey, I don’t make the rules here.”

Jake snorts, and begins heading towards the zebra exhibit. You follow, parasol resting against your shoulder, and smile. Skype calls are nice, you think, but spending time with Jake in person is better somehow.

* * *

Eventually, the heat becomes too much for you to handle, and you and Jake find the adults at the souvenir shop. You protest as Jade buys you both a stuffed animal. Much to your chagrin, you walk out to the car with a giraffe in tow.

“Grandma,” you whine, “toys are for dumb babies.”

“Don’t take that tone with me, young man! Kids these days, so ungrateful. I slave away all day and this is the thanks I get?”

There’s a beat of silence before all four of you break into laughter, Jake throwing his new koala at his grandmother. She catches it easily and tosses it back to him.

When you climb into the car, you lean over to the passenger seat to give Jade a quick peck on the cheek. “Thanks, Grandma. Love ya, even if you are an old coot.”

“Love you too, you ungrateful bastard.”

Jake rolls his eyes at the two of you, unphased by your usual banter. More often than not, Jade would nose in on Jake’s Skype calls with you, and soon enough, she became your grandmother too.

Bro drives you all to Whataburger and orders enough food to feed you all 3 times over, but Jake looks at it like it’s his last meal and immediately digs into the fries when it’s handed back to you.

“Jesus, dude. Save some for the rest of us, would you?”

His reply is muffled by the fries shoved into his mouth.

Jade turns back to you, eyes blazing. “Jacob Samuel English, were you raised in a barn? I certainly believe not, though your room begs to differ! Eat like a gentleman, for heaven’s sake. I’ve taught you better than this.”

Jake looks sheepishly at the ground as he slowly finishes his mouthful and swallows. “Yes, Gran.” You reach over to pat his shoulder reassuringly, and he smiles at you gratefully.

The rest of the ride is filled with silence. You certainly don’t complain, and watch the sun set over the Houston skyline as you rush along the highway towards home. Jake carefully taps your shoulder and you whip your head around, startled.

He smiles apologetically, then gestures towards the window. “It’s real nice here, Strider. I can see why you like it so much.”

You sigh happily. “Yeah. ‘S beautiful this time of day.”

“Not so nice as my island, though,” Jake says, almost wistfully. You remember that Jade wants to move here, depending on how Jake likes it. You doubt she’ll have much luck.

“I’ll take your word for it. Too leafy in my opinion.”

Jake just shakes his head, smiling softly. You look back out the window at the buildings rushing past, recognizing your surroundings. You’re not surprised, then, when not five minutes later Bro’s pulling into his spot in the garage.

You and Jake race to the elevator, laughing as you go. You, of course, win, though Jake makes a valiant effort. Fist bumps are exchanged, and he grins at you as you initiate contact for the second time that day. It makes you feel guilty in a way you don’t like to think about, so you shove it away for the moment.

As soon as you get up to the apartment, Bro spreads the fruits of labor of Whataburger on the dining table. The four of you eat in silence but for the sounds of chewing.

After the meal before you is demolished, mostly by Jake, Jade declares that she’s going to bed and that “you youngsters should do the same.” Jake protests loudly, and you cover your ears as his voice grates against them. He immediately lowers his volume when he notices. Your stomach clenches.

“Gran, we’re not so young we can’t watch a movie yet! I’ve a ripsnorter to show Dirk! I just know he’ll love this one!”

“Jake, sweetheart, you barely slept on the flight over, and don’t think I haven’t noticed you yawning on the ride back from the zoo. You need your sleep. The movie can wait until the morning.”

Jake whines in response but doesn’t argue anymore. Instead, he stomps his way up to your room, pouting as he goes. You quietly follow, and shut the door behind you to find him sitting with his arms crossed on his makeshift bed.

“I can’t believe her! It’s not even 9 o’clock! You’re not going to school tomorrow; I know because I heard Dave call the school and say you were gonna be out the next few days for ‘personal family matters,’ whatever that means!”

“Dude. Jake. Bro.”

“What, Strider? Don’t tell me you’re on her side, now!”

“I have a TV in my room. Don’t sweat it so much.” He makes a small “o” with his mouth and you snort as you turn it on. “How ‘bout we play some Mario Kart instead, though, so we can have it on mute?”

He sighs, trying to hide a smile. “I SUPPOSE that’ll have to do. Don’t think you’re getting out of that movie, though, buster! I know a Strider ploy when I see one!”

The two of you play Mario Kart for 15 minutes before passing out, and Jade chides you in the morning for leaving the TV on all night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it actually Pained me to let dirk rag on snakes like that. the precious souls of the earth. what did they do to deserve this.


	4. Ground Control

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to more of "mj's incredibly self-indulgent fic"
> 
> this is where i admit that i've only been to houston once and didn't even go to the space center like wtf @ me

Jake persuades you to spend Tuesday marathoning the insane number of movies he brought along. The two of you set up a pillow fort before settling down with Doritos, popcorn, and orange soda to fuel you through the day. Subtitles are put on when available, since you like to keep the volume low, and you’re grateful when Jake doesn’t complain.

Wednesday, though, is the day you’ve most been looking forward to.

Bro has a meeting in LA for his newest film, and left last night, so you and Jake are left under the care of Jade for the day. She drives you to one of your favorite places in Houston: the Space Center. You grin as Jake looks out the window in awe while Jade finds a place to park.

He darts towards the entrance, hollering excitedly. You follow, albeit not as quickly. Jade buys your tickets, and you lead them through the exhibits like a pro. “I went here on a field trip once,” you boast.

“Lead the way, then, Mr. Tour Guide Strider! Show us what snappy doodads are in this amazing place!”

You bullshit your way through the exhibits, telling outrageous lies about the spacecraft, but Jake hangs onto your every word as though you were God himself. Jade, for the most part, lets the two of you be, and you’re able to spend the entire day without any interruptions.

Until you go to leave, and see the dark clouds sailing through the sky towards you.

You gulp, and rush towards the car. Jake follows not too far behind, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth as he watches the approaching storm.

The first few drops of rain hit right as you crawl into the backseat, and you quietly pray to whoever’s listening that it’ll just be a heavy rain.

The first crack of lightning hits as Jade pulls up to the first stoplight, and you wince at the unexpected flash. You count quietly to yourself, until…

 _ **BOOM**_.

At the sudden roll of thunder, you let out a small whimper, and clutch your head between your hands. It echoes through your skull, leaving a dull ache behind. Jake looks over at you worriedly and reaches out as though to touch you, then thinks better of it and instead clutches his hands together in his lap.

The storm gets worse as you drive towards home, to the point that Jade has to slow down as rain washes down the windshield in sheets. Each bolt of lightning is like a shock right down your spine, but the thunder.

The thunder seems to get louder each time it rolls mercilessly through the sky, and your head aches as it reverberates through you. You don’t remember how you ended up with your knees curled up to your chest, nor when you started crying, but you can’t move and the tears won’t stop. You clutch harder at your head, as though you could shut out the storm, but the rain continues to pelt against the windows and the lightning continues to flash every few seconds and the thunder won’t fucking stop thundering.

Jake finally gives in and wraps an arm around your shoulders, rubbing his thumb against you soothingly. You let out a choked sob, and don’t even try to shrug him off, just lean into him and cry into his shirt. For once, being touched is comforting, and helps you focus on something other than the storm.

“That’s it, chap, that’s it,” he murmurs. “You’ll be alright. ‘S just a spot of rain. It’ll be over soon enough. You know when the rain drops are real big it means that it won’t take as long for the clouds to empty? And these drops are pretty dang huge! So I think you’ll be okay.” You hiccup as another sob leaves you, and curl up even tighter. His grip tightens, and you shudder. You can feel the sparks starting to congregate where he’s touching you, and although it’s nice to actually have some human contact for once, you shrug him off. He just smiles softly at you and puts his hand back in his lap. Damn him for being so understanding, it just makes you feel worse.

The storm lessens by the time you get to the apartment complex, but you’re already an absolute mess. You haven’t stopped crying, and the sound of the rain pelting the parking garage makes you want to throw up.

“Are you alright to go upstairs, dear?” Jade asks worriedly.

You nod.

Jake sticks to your side like glue the entire way up, and you consider shoving him to the other side of the elevator to just let you breathe, goddammit. But you know he’s just worried and concerned about you, so you suck it up, even though you’re starting to hyperventilate a little.

You shut yourself up in your room as soon as you get home, curling up under your covers and clutching Maplehoof to your chest. You stroke her fur and press her against your face, letting the soft fur calm you down.

* * *

It’s dark when you wake up, and Jake isn’t in the room. You let out a sigh of relief; he doesn’t need to see you in this state. You head to the bathroom and take a long, hot shower. All of the day’s mishaps and misfortunes get washed down the drain with your shampoo, and you step out feeling renewed.

Jake’s waiting on the sofa when you finally head to the living room and smiles with relief when he sees you. “Hello there, sunshine! Feeling better after your catnap?”

“Loads better. Budge over, would you?” You plop down at the edge of the sofa, allowing yourself plenty of space, and look at him expectantly. “So what are we watching?”

“I was waiting for you, to be plumb honest. I’m in the mood for _Avatar_ , if that’s…?”

You shrug, and toss him the remote. “As long as you’re prepared to deal with my ‘undeserved comments,’ I don’t really care.” In truth, you’d just like to get back to something that feels routine, and making fun of Jake’s movies is pretty routine for you.

Plus, it’s worth the face-splitting smile Jake gives you. “Alrighty then, chum! _Avatar_ it is! Maybe this time you’ll finally be swayed by its cinematic beauty!”

You shake your head, smiling a little yourself. “Doubt it. Are you gonna start it, or what?”

In the end, Jake upends an entire bowl of popcorn on your head. It’s definitely worth it.

* * *

The ride to the airport is bittersweet, to say the least. Jake’s happy to get back to his island, but sad to leave, and you’re ready to have your room to yourself again, but…

Jake’s company has been a nice constant that you’re not sure you’re ready to let go of yet.

Still, though, you can’t change the fact that their plane is leaving today. Goodbyes are exchanged, and tears are shed (though you’ll deny to your grave that any of them were yours). Jake looks at you expectantly before heading into security, and you roll your eyes at him. “C’mere,” you say thickly.

He grins, and pulls you into a quick hug. You jokingly shove him off of you, smiling back at him.

“Let me know when you land?”

“Wouldn’t dream of otherwise!”

“Cool.” You fistbump him before he turns to go through security.

Bro leads you back to the car, and you start planning what you and Jake will do the next time you see each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmm. probably should've written more interactions with granny jade before the next chapter. ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯ oh well
> 
> (also?? quick rant??? people who turn up the volume so loud that you can FEEL it are worst kinds of people. people who refuse to use subtitles are the second worst kinds of people. fuckin chill, my dudes.)


	5. Turbulence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes™
> 
> just a few housekeeping things quick:  
> 1) feel free to hmu on tumblr @lizardabidopsis since i'm back in the states!  
> 2) check out my spotify maybe? also lizardabidopsis there's some p sweet playlists there if i do say so myself  
> 3) i'm moving back to campus in a couple days and helping with 2 week-long orientation so don't be surprised if i leave this alone for awhile

You’re awoken in the middle of the night to the sound of your phone ringing. Blearily, you reach for it to see that it’s Jake. You sigh, then accept the call.

“English, we’ve talked about this, you’ve really gotta learn the concept of time zones. What’s so important that you…” You trail off as you hear sobbing on the other line. “Jake? Jake, what’s wrong?”

More sobbing, then: “She’s gone.” It’s barely a whisper, and your heart drops as it starts to sink in. “She’s gone, Dirk, I—she was in the lab, an-and there was an…an explosion, and she—“ he cuts himself with another sob, shattering into pieces as you try to soothe him over the phone.

“Jake, fuck, I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” Tears start streaming down your own face, and you silently wipe them away.

“I c-couldn’t s-s-save her!” He blubbers. “I wasn’t th-there and I…I di-didn’t…” Your heart wrenches as he cries even harder.

“Jake, there wasn’t anything you could’ve done. It was an accident. I’m…I’m glad you weren’t there. I’m glad you’re okay.” He tries to respond, but can’t form anything intelligible, so you just keep talking. “Fuck, dude, I dunno if I could lose you. You’re the best bro a guy could ask for. I’m here for you, okay? You need anything, just ask. Don’t hesitate. Say my name and I’ll be on that shit faster than wasps on Mountain Dew, got it?”

He’s starting to hyperventilate now, and your heart races with concern. “Hey, bro, breathe with me. Can you hear me?” Jake lets out a whimper in affirmation. “Alright. Cool. Deep breaths, Jake. Let’s get a steady rhythm going.” You breathe as audibly as possible, deep and slow, hoping he’ll follow suit. It takes a while, and he’s still crying, but eventually he’s breathing steadily.

“Sorry,” he whispers, voice hoarse.

“Seriously, English, you don’t need to apologize. ‘S what best bros are for. Know you would do the same for me.”

The two of you stay on the phone in silence. You snicker when after a while you hear him start to snore, and hang up with a quiet, “Sweet dreams, bro.”

* * *

Jake doesn’t leave your side as soon as you arrive on the island. It’s honestly a little much for you to deal with (you don’t visit the island too often, and it still takes you forever to adjust when you do), but considering the circumstances, you do your best to.

He’s uncharacteristically quiet as you and Bro help him pack up his stuff. Jade’s will left everything to Jake but didn’t specify anything regarding his guardianship, so for the time being he’s going to live with you.

It’s an entire week until the ship arrives to take Jake’s stuff to the mainland, and during that time he doesn’t seem to perk up any, not even when the two of you watch _Avatar_ at least 3 times in a row.

You bite the bullet and try to comfort him, no matter how shitty you (think you) are at it.

“Jake, you know you can talk to me, right? Not that I don’t enjoy the rare silence in the presence of one Jake English, but you’re starting to worry me. A lot. And I know not to ask if you’re okay, because you’re obviously fucking not, but…shit. I dunno. I just wanna be here for you? Even if that means watching _Avatar_ again, fuck, I’ll even watch _Weekend at Bernie’s_ with you, just tell me what you need and I’ll do it.”

Jake smiles, just a little, and sighs. “To be quite honest with you, I’d really just like a nice hug. But I didn’t want to ask that of you.”

You don’t think you’ve ever felt so guilty in your life.

“No that’s…that’s fine. It’s fine,” you choke out, even though at just the thought, your heartrate is telling you that it is really fucking not fine. Your mind races, thoughts flying from synapse to synapse, and you’re overwhelmed with a feeling of _DON’T FUCK THIS UP, FOR ONCE_.

He furrows his eyebrows at you. “You’re sure?”

You nod, not trusting yourself to speak. He carefully wraps his arms around you and when you do the same, he relaxes, burying his face into your chest and shaking a little.

You tentatively rub his back, ignoring how your chest tightens when his nose presses against your ribs. It’s like a lightning strike through your heart, and you do your best to keep your breathing steady. You’re supposed to be the one comforting him, and you’d rather it not vice versa itself.

He tightens his hold around you before letting go and you try not to scoot back too quickly. You can’t help but try to rub the tingling out of your chest, though.

“Thanks, Strider.” You nod, and he smiles at you. “So… _Weekend at Bernie’s_?”

* * *

You’re asleep before the plane even leaves the ground. Flying is old hat to you by now, and you’ve splurged on the best pair of noise-cancelling headphones money can buy.

Jake, though, hasn’t flown since he visited you 5 years ago, and it shows.

He accidentally clutches your arm in surprise at the first bit of turbulence you hit, immediately startling you out of sleep. Your heartrate picks up until you realize where you are and what happened, then turn to Jake. “Dude, let a bro sleep maybe?”

He doesn’t seem to hear you. He’s facing perfectly forward with his eyes clenched, jumping every time the plane shakes. You carefully pry his hand off your arm and set Maplehoof in it instead.

“Think you need this more than me,” you mumble before promptly passing the fuck out again.

When you wake again, Jake is still tense, though considerably less so. He looks over when he sees you’re awake, and tries to hand Maplehoof back.

You shift your headphones so that the ear closest to him is unobstructed. “Nah, you keep her. Turbulence doesn’t seem to be treating you well.”

He shakes his head. “I don’t remember flights being so…bouncy.”

“Depends on what time of year you fly. This is rainy season here, so it makes sense that there’d be more wind than usual.”

“Oh.”

“Mmm.”

You fall into awkward silence after that, him fiddling with Maplehoof in his lap and you picking at the hairs on your arms.

He’s the first to break it. “Say, um, would you mind terribly if…could…could I maybe hold your hand for a tad? It’s just that I’m so used to Gran doing the same for me in such dire straits…”

Your mouth dries. The engine of the plane roars in your open ear, and you wish you’d put your headphones back on. Partly so you could pretend you didn’t hear him. You’d like to. You really, really want to. But you…

“I can’t.” His face falls, and your heart breaks. “Shit, Jake, I’m so fuckin’ sorry. Like, believe me when I say I’d really like to do that for you, but this plane is already running me through the ring, we’re in round three and I’m barely hanging on trying not to be the sucker that gets KO’d.”

“No, it’s okay! I understand, it wasn’t right of me to ask. Haven’t quite got it through the ol’ noggin yet that you’re just not so physical!”

“Jake, I’m seriously really sorry—“

“Stop! Don’t apologize. It’s not your fault.” You’d try to argue that it really kinda is, but you know him to be stubborn as hell when he makes up his mind. There’d be no point.

Besides, your hands are starting to shake a little, and you’re picking at your arm hairs so much it hurts. You put your headphones on fully again after another firm nod from him, and lean back in your seat, closing your eyes. “You can still keep Maplehoof for now,” you mumble before blocking everything out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope my pilot friend doesn't read my fic bc i definitely bullshitted that thing about the turbulence
> 
> also where did dave go?? i know i can't write more than two characters at a time but??? damn son


End file.
